Safe & Sound
by Prettie Parker
Summary: Jax and Haley have been holding a secret for five years. Haley has also been holding a secret all her own. Face to face, in brutal honesty, all the secrets are forced to come out. Jax/Haley
1. Chapter 1

_**Note:** _In this story haley is Opie's sisters, Piney's daughter. This story centers around one night where Haley and Jax are finally honest with each other. Italics are flashbacks. Regular front is current time.

_**Safe & Sound**_

_I don't know where I'm at_

_I'm standing at the back_

_And I'm tired of waiting_

_Waiting here in line, hoping that I'll find _

_What I've been chasing._

He creeps up from behind her in the dark, with a hollowing voice that vibrated deep under her skin. "Is he mine?" Slipped so easy off Jax's lips, but it was the look in his eyes. Eyes that focused on that angelic sleeping little boy, hidden deep in the room they stood at the entryway of before those hot and demanding eyes fell upon her revealing his true intent.

Three little words, words that were powerful and crushing all in one breath. His words echoed in her mind. Harkening back to another time. A time long before this. To one single night. The only he could be questioning… Their only night.

Her mind slipped back to that warm, thick place she only visited in her quietest of moments. Where one heated kiss in a weak moment had started it all.

**_Flashback:_**

_She had gone to see him the night she heard the news from Gemma. Driven to be there for him like he was always there for her. Staying at the clubhouse, he was easy find. It only took seconds after her first knock and the awkward sound of his shuffling movements before he opened the door. His hand rested on the door jam, arm outstretched across the opening as his weight rested it on. His sculpted bare chest gleaming out at her as something empty shined from his piercing blue eyes. _

"_Hey Hales," His crisp breath murmured to her._

"_Hey Jax," She called back with the brightest of smiles, hoping to send some her warming light his way. Ducking under his outstretched arm, sneaking past his solid form that loomed lazily across the door way, Haley snuck inside his room._

"_Guess you heard." His dull breath lagged at her back as he shut the door, and she moved deeper in his room. _

_Her face flashed his way, shiny blonde hair swinging in the sudden movement. _

"_Heard what?" She lied with a mischievous smirk that told him without words she had in fact heard Tara had broken his heart. Something contagious must have sparked from her grin, because it sent a smirk finally rising on Jax's lips shooting back her way._

_Holding their exchanged affection for a moment Haley turned to his nightstand standing before her. Half empty bottle of Jack sat upon it's surface with an empty glass that still held the liquor's residue to match. _

"_How long you been drinking?" She questioned him honestly, her big doe eyes shooting back to see the truth of his answer on his face._

_A wicked grin arched the corners of his mouth, something sly and sexy in the gesture. _

"_I don't know, not long enough." His shapely lips answered poised and tauntingly playful._

_A sadness she couldn't hide dampened her face. Haley hated to see him like this, in so much pain, even if he hid it well._

_Snatching up the bottle's cap, she screwed it back on. "I'm cutting you off." She stated softly, being considerate of his fragile state. Knowing better then most how the men in this club loved to drown their sorrows at the bottom of a bottle. She had watched her brother and father do it enough times to know the signs of smothered pain._

"_I'm not drunk." Jax reassured her concerns with a quick laugh as if this were all just fun and games, and after the few glasses he's pounded down his gullet it almost feels that simple. It almost feels like his heart hasn't been ripped out at all. _

_Letting out a deep breath, Haley turned slowly to find his eyes. A quiet empathy shiningly so brightly to see from her tender orbs. "But you're trying your hardest to get there." _

_She whispered the brutally honest truth off a quiet breath that left a lingering sting._

_His grin dropped as his features grew steady and strong. A look that could scare most men and have, but not her. She knows he's not capable of hurting her. "What are you doing here, Haley?" He questions her point blank. All playful games left somewhere on the floor where they had dropped them._

_That coat of strong armor he made himself wear got to Haley the most. Seeing it on her dad, and her brother, and now Jax, it always broke her heart. Knowing underneath the tough surface was a heart that really gave a damn. A heart that was hurting right now. Taking slow small steps to him, Haley smiled softly as their eyes held. "I'm looking out for you." _

_His eyes rolled as a huffed laugh left his lips before a slanted grin took it's place. "You sound like my mom." He laughed as his eyes fell back down to find her. She got to him like few other women could. Something about her genuine, big heart that always gave no matter what else was going on, always had a way of shooting him where it counted. _

_Stopping just before him, Haley smiled something soft with pride. She considered that a compliment. Gemma was one of the strongest women she ever met, like a second mother to her in so many ways. "She's a smart lady. You should listen to her more." Haley nodded with her words, so sure._

_Maybe it was their closeness, maybe it was just because he couldn't hold it all back any longer, but suddenly their silly conversation had slipped away, and all that remained was the blinding pain surfacing fast in his piercing blue eyes that barreled down upon her._

"_Jax," Haley's voice broke as she reached out to him, wrapping her arms around his neck as she pulled him in for a tender hug. Her heart physically aching in her chest from the tortured look in his eyes._

_She held him there, in her arms. Listening to his heavy burdened breath that struggled to keep it all together, keep himself together. She held him wishing he'd open up. Find a quiet place to be fully exposed with her in a way she's always found with him. But knowing even if he doesn't that at least he can feel the unconditional love in her embrace._

_Haley feels the tightness of his returned hold on her waist before she pulls back slowly. Resting her head gently upon his forehead, his scent envelopes her, his breath heavy upon her face. _

"_It's going to be ok, Jax." She whispers soothingly like a promise. They linger there for a brief moment, where she feels him surrendering to the comfort she knows he so badly needs. _

_Until it all goes off course in a second. Goes off course in a way she couldn't have imagined, in a way it's never gone before. In a movement she doesn't see coming, only feels, his mouth is leaning into hers, his lips capturing her own in a tender embrace. _

_Haley knows she should pull away, stop this, and she's pretty sure he's feeling the same, but for reasons she will only understand later, she doesn't. Her soft full lips kiss him back, welcoming the intimacy. Letting them take this where it's never gone before._

_With her consent everything spirals out of control too fast and satisfying to stop. Jax has her white tank top up and off her body before Haley even realizes that's where this is leading. _

_His lips only leaving hers for a second in the movement before his moist hungry mouth is moving down her suddenly exposed skin, and in that moment, as the first shuttered sighs rippled off her breath, as she begins to tremble in his strong hands, Haley knows she's not going to stop this, she's going to give into it completely._

_The feel of his warm smooth lips against her taunt belly. The hold of his mouth felt so confident as it captured her flesh in it's grasp. Jax was all she could sense as his skilled hands careful with respect unclasped her jeans that held like a barrier between them. Her breath felt so heavy in her lungs as her hands tangled in his long greased hair, not daring to let him go for a second._

_She knows she didn't come there for this. To find herself drowning in this beautiful disaster. She came to take care of him after his break up with Tara. Knowing the saucy brunette was the love of his life, but as she feels them gently coming to rest on his soft sheets worn by time, as she sees that American flag hanging up on the wall beside her head, Haley knows whatever her intent was it's lost now. She feels Jax's towering body cover her like a shield from the world, as their bodies come together soft skinned and on fire against each other._

_His husky moist breath feels like it's melting the tender skin of her neck as he whispers her name as if it's the only name he knows. His lips full and soft consume her neck as he lies trapped between her trembling thighs connecting them in a way they've never touched before. _

_Then his eyes hang over her stealing her breath, barreling into hers, piercing blue, haunting and insistent. A look that tells her more truthfully than words, this isn't just sex to him. They aren't screwing each other right now in the name of payback. On the contrast, he feels completely connected to her in this moment. He's sharing himself completely with her. Giving her his heart, body, and soul as she hands herself freely back over to him. _

_His body pushes deeper within her as cries she can't hold in call to him. His eyes hold her captive with every thrust, his hand so steady and tender on her cheek, and Haley's not sure which part of him is reaching deeper inside her, claiming every part of her. _

_When he kisses her mouth, she feels it down past her toes, to a place no one has ever found before. The stubble on his face scratches at her skin, course and prickled, but he kisses her with such a tender embrace she knows in this moment he's feeling more for her then he's ever felt before. Feeling so much they might never be able to come back. _

_Her thighs clinch at his bare hips, her weight sinking down upon him, as she nibbles at his salty sweet skin. His hands tangled at the base of her neck, lost in her silky hair while the passion of her mouth sends deep throaty grunts slipping past his lips. They come together, taken by the same overwhelming urge to combust. Lost in each other's eyes, lost in a passion that threatened to destroy them both with the morning light. _

_A threat that seals it self like a promise as the early morning rays find Haley like piecing dangers demanding she see the truth of her actions. Her eyes blink open slowly to the sight of creamy solid flesh beneath her cheek. She can feel his arm wrapped securely around her, her exposed body molded to his strong softness. A_

_s beautiful as this moment was, as perfect as it feels to be lying there with him, Haley's heart sinks with guilt. What they've done, what she's done was wrong, his heart doesn't belong to her. All Haley can think to do is run, run away from him, run away from this mistake. A mistake she knows he'll call by name when he too realizes what they've done. _

_That's exactly what she does as she slowly untangles herself from him, careful not to wake him, before she escape out the door, ready to pretend this never happened._

_I'm not ready to let go_

_Cause then I'd never know, What I could be missing_

_But I'm missing way too much _

_So when do I give up, what I've been wishing for_

The memory dissolves in on it self. Disappears like memories do and all that's left is piercing blue eyes waiting on her. Even now, after all this time, there's moments like the one she finds herself in now, where she can almost still feel his hot permeating breath on her flesh, taking her so high she's never come back down.

Moments pass before she regains her composure, moments his intense eyes never leave her pupil. Haley has to force herself to shake it off, to regain her strength.

Silently she steps back from the doorway. Her eyes catching his fleetingly while her heads tilts back toward the end of the hall. Saying without words they were going to have this conversation where little sleeping ears could be disturbed.

Reaching her father's living room, she turns to him. Her eyes never meeting his as her shoulders shrugged lamely. "You met his father." She answers simply, as if the answer were so easy there shouldn't be any question.

**To Be Continued...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Note:** Every chapter in this story will start with a breif replay of the last. I feel like it reads better then if it just jumps into the conversation. Also please note, Sam comes up in this chapter, but please don't write the story off because of him. I chose him for a reason and it's a reason I will explain at the end of this chapter. Just trust me all the non-Saley lovers out there... It's not what your thinking. It's really not.

**Present:** Normal Font

**Past:** Italics

_**Chasing The Wind**_

_I'm not ready to let go_

_Cause then I'd never know, What I could be missing_

_But I'm missing way too much _

_So when do I give up, what I've been wishing for_

The memory dissolves in on it self. Disappears like memories do and all that's left is piercing blue eyes waiting on her. Even now, after all this time, there's moments like the one she finds herself in now, where she can almost still feel his hot permeating breath on her flesh, taking her so high she's never come back down.

Moments pass before she regains her composure, moments his intense eyes never leave her pupil. Haley has to force herself to shake it off, to regain her strength.

Silently she steps back from the doorway. Her eyes catching his fleetingly while her heads tilts back toward the end of the hall. Saying without words they were going to have this conversation where little sleeping ears could be disturbed.

Reaching her father's living room, she turns to him. Her eyes never meeting his as her shoulders shrugged lamely. "You met his father." She answers simply, as if the answer were so easy there shouldn't be any question.

Jax's eyes narrowed upon her, the edges creasing with the strain. "Who, Sam?" He mocks loudly with a huffed indignant laugh. "If that's the story you're selling sweetheart, you should have never let him show his face." Jax's demanding voice rang out. Standing by his accusation as if her answer were a joke at best.

He could still see it so clearly, the moment that's been haunting him since the wool was ripped from his eyes.

**_Flashback:_**

_Feet idling by his bike as he strapped his helmet over his skull. A stranger caught his eye entering the garage parking lot. A tall, oversized man really. With big broad shoulders, shagged brown hair, and gentle dopey features. Jamie's cry stole his attention instantly. _

"_Daddy!" The young boy called with exploded exuberance on his breath as his little feet raced across the pavement toward the towering man. _

_Jax froze in that moment as a chill ran silently down his spine. Calling to something not even Jax could fully see yet, but as Sam scooped Jamie up, tossing the boy playfully in the air before pulling him into his arms, father and son face to face, Jax froze. They looked nothing alike, not a single shared feature, not a similar look to be found. Jamie looked like his mother, there was no doubt to that claim, with his blonde hair and creamy skin, but there were still things about that young boy that looked nothing like Haley. Things Jax had always caulked up to belonging to the boy's father, but now Jax saw that wasn't the case. Jax didn't know much about hereditary traits, but he knew two sets of brown eyes don't make blue. Chills rippled under his skin with a wakening beast. He watched captivated by every movement as Haley warmly embraced Sam, placed a quick kiss upon his cheek, but even from across the parking lot Jax could see there was no deeper intimacy between them. It would be hard to imagine there had ever been._

"_You ok, Jackie Boy?" He could hear Chibs say, but Jax couldn't make this tongue work. His world felt like it was caving in on his chest as an old fear resurfaced with a vengeance. A fear brought to life the moment he had first laid eyes on Haley's son no one knew she had, not even Opie and Piney. A fear quieted only when she shared the boy's father lived else where. A fear reborn now that he could see with his own two eyes Sam, the father in question clearly didn't fit the bill. In his heart Jax knew something was terribly wrong when Haley magically showed back up in town, young son in tow. Right around the age he should be if they had created a child that night. He told himself she avoided him, because they had never moved past the night neither of them could forget. A night that had destroyed a relationship built in a lifetime, but every time he caught sight of Jamie, Jax felt more and more sure it was bigger then that, until Tara was the driving force he couldn't stay silent anymore._

"It's not a story. He has been there for every moment of Jamie's life. Sam is his father." Haley's agitated words rip Jax from memory lane. Her breath heaving, her eyes insistent as they blazed upon him, and in her heart she believes her truths, because the truth is never as easy as a lie, and in every way that counts Sam has been Jamie's father.

Jax's pupil focus's in on her as his memory slips away and her voice rings in his ears.

"Saying the words doesn't make it true. You can't expect me to believe that story when I know the truth, when I know what we did! Jamie doesn't look a damn thing like that guy! He's my son, isn't he?" His voice bellows powerful and commanding, but Haley can see in his eyes he's desperate. Desperate for the truth that's eating him alive to not know. Part of her wants to hate him, hate him for putting her in a position to make the hard choices by herself, but Haley's knows she can't. She has her reason's for resentment, for anger, and mistrust when it comes to Jax, but never hate. Whatever the reasoning, Haley knows she's still the only one who made those choices.

She knows she can't hold her breath any longer. Standing there with him, face to face with the pleading in his eyes, she still remembers the Jax she grew up with. Her big brother's best friend, her second family in every way that counted, her safe haven. All those sacred things they ruined with one night that sent her running away for Stanford as fast as they would take her.

Taking a slow deep breath, Haley's eyes fell closed, no where left to run. Bracing herself, she couldn't watch as the word slip free. "Yes… He's yours." She whispered off a slow quiet breath. Unleashing a hidden truth held since the moment she found out she was pregnant.

Her eyes slid open just in time to see the pain wash over his face before his large hands covered it. She watched the course texture of his hands rub at his face as if it could wipe his anguish clean. His strong body swayed from side to side as if struck by a powerful blow before slowly lowering himself to a seat. His hands slid slowly down his face until tear rimmed eyes stole her breath with a glance. "How could you keep this from me? Why didn't tell me?" He questioned, suddenly so quiet with his heavy words as if each one was a hard burden to bare.

Haley had to fight to breathe as the tears burned in her honey orbs. She was angry with him, part of her blamed him for how this all ended out, but seeing the pain in his eyes she knew she had never wanted to hurt him. That was the real reason she had lied, for him, not against him. Her lips parted like a seal, her breath shuttered as she tried to speak. "You didn't want to know, Jax. You had just gotten Tara back. No one even knew what we had done. Don't you remember the last time we spoke." Haley's breath quaked with every brutally honest word as a heavy tear slid silently down her rosy cheek. Her heart shook inside with everything she had always wanted him to know, to tell him, but had never been able to. Sitting across from him now, Haley doesn't know if she would have made the same choices, but remembering that time so long ago when she was scared and so unsure, she knows why she made the choices she did.

**_Flashback:_**

_Every day that Haley had seen Jax and Tara together after their secret night was like a knife in her heart to watch. No matter how many times she told herself it was a mistake, that he belonged with Tara, it still killed her with guilt and pain to see them. Her only answer was to avoid them both like the plague, but one week before she left for Stanford she and Jax ended up at the garage at the same time. The one common ground she had avoided the most. The one common ground it was inevitable she'd see him. She had tried to escape before he could spot her among the other roaming bodies, but her steps were simply not quick enough, her image unmistakable to his eyes. _

_Her name rung off his lips at her back as she marched away pretending not to hear his calls. Knowing she was avoiding him, Jax wouldn't let her get away. He had to see her, talk to her. Ever since he discovered her only to lose her in the morning light, Jax had been plagued by her ghost and an insatiable need to see her again. Halting Haley by the arm with a steady grip, he forced her to face him for the first time since their illicit night. He had tried to go to her before, but she had always manage to be just out of his reach until now. "Jax, I can't do this with you." Haley's emotion drenched voice quickly stilled his lips before they could get anything more then her name out. Her eyes avoiding his gaze at all costs, as she removed his hand from her arm, because even just a touch on her arm left her body begging he'd pull her into his arms._

"_Don't do this, don't shut me out. Get mad at me, yell at me, something. I know this is all my fault." Jax's thick gritty breath practically begged her to react as the soft strength of his palm cupped her cheek hoping to spark an ounce of the girl he's always known, always cared for, always loved._

_Her orbs hit him like a flash of light, with the feel of his hand on the skin of her face for the first time since he had made love to her. Haley's lip quivered as she sucked in a breath. Every ounce of strength she had fought to hold herself together, to not crumble in his hands in front of everyone crowding the garage. Over the years that had created her life Jax had touched her face tenderly with endearment more times then she could remember, but it ate at her like a broken promise now to feel it, and made her worry that with one glance everyone would know what they had done. Pulling his hand free of her face, while fighting the urge that wanted him to prove her wrong, to fight for her. Haley's nervous eyes scanned the garage to see if anyone saw, if anyone knew, but no one did. No one knew of her misdeeds except her guilty conscious. _

"_I don't blame you, Jax. It was a mistake. I know that, but it still meant something to me. I can't pretend it didn't, not with you." Haley spoke brutally honest unable to lie. Hoping her bare honesty would be enough for him, to send him on his way, to leave her alone. Just a mistake, Haley reminded herself every time her heart ached for him. She reminded herself now as every part of her yearned for him. She wasn't the kind of girl who slept with a guy whose heart belonged to someone else, especially not a guy she loved as much as Jax. She was sick with herself for what she had done, even sicker for missing him as desperately as she does. _

_A soft sensitivity filled Jax's piercing blue eyes with the pain he could see she was holding in, and the heartache that filled his chest from knowing he had given her that pain. He had broken the heart of the very girl he had promised himself he'd protect from ever having a broken heart. _

"_It was a mistake." Jax agreed with a somber solidifying breath. As soon as his words reached her, he watched with instant regret as Haley's face crumbled in response, tears filling her vulnerable honey eyes that lay heavy upon him. Lips mute, with a slight nod of understanding she turned away from him, moving to leave before the tears fell free._

_Quick in his step, Jax moved in front of her before she could get away. His steady, gentle grip finding her shoulders to keep her with him. Just as she resisted his grip, trying to protest his hold on her, his piercing blue eyes full of shared sorrow slammed against hers, freezing Haley in place. "But it meant something to me too, Hales. As fucked as this situation is, it did. Meant too damn much." The crisp texture of his voice emphasizing the words he knew she needed to know, he needed to tell her as his hand slid up to tenderly cup her cheek. Words that rang true inside him no matter how guilty he felt for betraying Tara, no matter how much he still believed she was the love of his life. Haley had sunk her hooks in him that night, and he knew she wouldn't be breaking free anytime soon. The look in his piercing blue eyes said what lips didn't even think they should utter. That the night they shared had awakened a sleeping giant between them. Jax has held love for Haley for as long as he's known her, looking out for Opie's little sister has always been second nature, but his eyes can't look at her now without feeling something deep he knows he shouldn't feel._

_They held each others gaze for a moment so deep and profound. As if the entire world had slipped away with his confession and only they remained. Their orbs sharing silent words neither could bare to say out loud. Words that screamed from the heart, but held silent on the lips from a mind that knew better. Lost so deep in the moment, a salty tear finally broke free and drizzled down Haley's cheek with the words she knew were coming. The words she could feel rapidly crashing in as her chest tightened to brace for the pain._

_A heavy breath sucked deep into Jax's lungs and labored out long and slow as his thumb gently swept away her tear. "But I'm in love with Tara." Jax admitted as a simple statement of truth. Something that came as no surprise to either of them. What they had done was a betrayal neither could deny, but it also wasn't the first time Jax had used someone else to try and push Tara away. He barely saw their faces, because they meant nothing. This was just the first time he had actually cared about the girl he had slept with. The first time he hadn't used her, but rather had been swept up in tensions and feelings that had been brewing for far too long. The first time Tara hadn't found out, that no one had found out, because this time the truth was too dangerous. This time the truth held too many implications._

_Holding back the tears that wanted to follow the first and flow down her face, Haley pulled Jax's hand from her cheek, and took a step back for safe distance. Her eyes went skyward as she sucked in a shuttered breath, and forced her tears back down below. Her heart pounded in her chest hoping no one questioned them, the way they had never questioned them before. Praying no one would ever know what they had done, knowing the hell it would bring down upon them, the price they would have to pay. Hoping one day she would forget the heaven she found when lying in his arms._

_Her delicate face nodded slowly as her eyes returned to his tortured face waiting desperately for some sign that he hadn't just shattered a heart that meant so much to him. _

"_I know," Haley answered quiet like a deathly whisper. "And I would never try to come between that… Don't ever let anyone find out." She elaborated, each word she meant from the bottom of her heart. The depth of which she was feeling, Haley knew Jax didn't share, or if he did it still wasn't enough to make him change his ways. Having him leave Tara for her wasn't something Haley wanted, she wasn't that kind of girl. So only one option remained._

_They stared silently at each other as Haley forced a smile that never reached her heart. A quiet moment of remembrance, a moment to bury, and hope to forget. _

_She could see in his eyes he wasn't sure where to go from here. She could see he was afraid to move, and face the inevitable end. That he was grateful she understood, but also broken up because he knew he was breaking her. Broken, because he would now have to deny what he was feeling for her._

_Making the first move Haley went to him. Wrapping her arms around his strong solid shape she found so much comfort in to be near, her face burying in his chest as his arms embraced her with the same love and strength._

_She sucked in a deep gulp of his scent and promised to always remember how great this felt, but to never long for it again. "I just want you to be happy, Jax." She whispered in a tone she knew only he would hear, before abruptly pulling back sharp and quick. She was gone in a second, before he could ever rebound. Even though in her heart she knew he wouldn't chase her this time. Her feet charged on the pavement, disappearing like mist in the morning light. _

The words finished heavy off her breath, as a sigh soon followed summoned from memories still so strong and painful to this day. Sitting beside him on her father's weathered couch, Haley can't meet his eyes. She can feel him beside her, but her orbs stay glued to her hands tangled in knots at her fidgeting knees. Lost in a moment partly here, partly there where she has never fully left.

Jax doesn't say a word, it takes him time to find his tongue, but the steady flow of his breath tells her he's here with her. Fully entrenched in this moment of remembrance with her, and the implications that like outstretching branches, reach out, and touch them even today.

"Haley, I'm so sorry," Jax's voice is deep and gritty when he finally speaks. His breath heavy from a weight baring down on his heart like a vice. The truth freeing and strangling all in the same breath. "If I had known…" He goes to speak, but Haley cutes him off.

Her big doe eyes finally shoot his way to pierce the side of his scruffy face.

"What? You would have chosen us? Lost Tara in the process. I knew if you had chosen us you would have regretted that and resented me for costing you her one day." Her tone somber, but sure. She's played the options out millions of times in her head, but they always ended ugly. With someone wanting more, some getting less, an imperfect situation forced until it breaks. She never wanted that, she couldn't live with that. Even if they were strangers to each other now at least they still held something, at least there was a chance to repair. The other path would have destroyed it all.

**To Be Continued…**

**Note:** Explaining the Sam choice now. I chose Sam because I wanted a character Jax would take one look at and know he's not the father of Jamie. That left Sam or Nathan in my mind, and since I've never written Nathan at any sort of length and know very little about his character, I chose Sam. A character I under much better and have written alot. But this story isnt' Saley and it doesn't go there.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Thought I Could Fly**_

_I shot for the sky I'm stuck on the ground _

_So why do I try, I know I'm gonna fall down_

_I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?_

_I'll never know why it's coming down, down, down._

"Haley, I'm so sorry," Jax's voice is deep and gritty when he finally speaks. His breath heavy from a weight baring down on his heart like a vice. The truth freeing and strangling all in the same breath. "If I had known…" He goes to speak, but Haley cutes him off.

Her big doe eyes finally shoot his way to pierce the side of his scruffy face.

"What? You would have chosen us? Lost Tara in the process. I knew if you had chosen us you would have regretted that and resented me for costing you her one day." Her tone somber, but sure. She's played the options out millions of times in her head, but they always ended ugly. With someone wanting more, some getting less, an imperfect situation forced until it breaks. She never wanted that, she couldn't live with that. Even if they were strangers to each other now at least they still held something, at least there was a chance to repair. The other path would have destroyed it all.

"It wouldn't have had to be like that." Jax countered, holding onto the false security that comes with never having to live that life, but rather only getting the privilege to dream it from a distance.

Haley's honey brown eyes found his piercing blue as he finally looked her way. Her lips didn't move, but the look in her eyes said it all. The questioning, the doubts, pushing him to be honest with himself the way she'd been all those years ago. Honest, like she had to be when she first found out she was pregnant and already alone.

The truth so blinding in her eyes sucked the breath right out of Jax's smoke strained lungs. It's a look that reminds him it's easy to believe that nobility and sacrifice can be enough when you don't actually have to live it. It's a look that tells him, she's positive

she wouldn't have been enough for him, that if in no other place then his heart he always would have chosen Tara, but there's so much Haley doesn't know. She's not the only one who's been keeping secrets. Jax has been lying to everyone, most of all himself since he let her go. Since he tried to go on, and pretend she didn't steal his heart that night, and have yet to give it back.

Jax doesn't correct her or reveal the truth. Some how finding out he's the father of her four year old son feels like enough truth for one night. The way his heart feels, the way it's felt since he first got lost in her eyes, that can wait, because it'll always be there, and for once it feels like they have nothing, but time.

He clears this throat loudly, dislodging the choking lump that's been clung to his throat since the earth shaking news dropped. "Who all knows?" He questions her, low and deep on a breath that sounds sexiest in the dark.

Haley bites her lip nervously with his question and the way it stirs a ball of knots in her belly. Her eyes shoot away, back across the room where she can feel the touch of distance she needs in this moment. "Just Sam," She admits in a hushed whisper as her mind drifts away to the day Jamie got a father.

**XXXXFlashbackXXXXX**

_Shut up in her dorm room for weeks except for classes, isolated and overwhelmed. Her growing belly had finally reached a point where she couldn't hide it anymore. Reached a point where she couldn't just pretend that as long as she kept her feet moving in front of her she'd survive this. When other people realized on mere sight alone that she was pregnant, Haley realized her decision to keep this baby was bigger then the mental choice she had battled. That this was going to be a life altering decision that she would have to face alone, and with that knowledge Haley found herself breaking under the pressure. Hiding away, withdrawing from everything that wasn't required, but through all of it one face resurfaced, Sam Winchester._

_Everyday he walked her to her classes, and was there at the door when she came out. And every day he had showed up at her dorm room to check on her. A fact he adamantly denied was his intent. He was the first friend Haley had made at Stanford and a damn good one at that. He was shocked speechless when she told him that she was pregnant, but he never wavered. He stood beside her like a solid rock, and promise to be there for her. _

_He was the only person she dared to tell the truth of her baby's conception, of her true feelings for Jax, and as disappointed as his eyes looked by the news he only gave her a big hug, and whispered everything would be ok. Haley always had a hunch that Sam liked her as more then just a friend, but Haley couldn't face that. She needed him more then she had ever needed anyone before this time, knowing she didn't feel those same heightened feelings, Haley chose not to rock the boat, and risk losing him too._

_It was just after New Years when they sat on her bed watching movies. A sudden bumping tickle fluttered in her belly it changed it all. Haley let out a quiet squeal of surprise. Sending Sam's worried eyes shooting to her in an instant. Wanting to share the magic of his moment, she reached out, taking hold of his hand before dragging it to her belly. Pressing his fingers firmly down upon her swollen stomach, Haley flashed her best friend an elated smile. "The baby's kicking, can you feel it?" Her voice danced with a light Sam hadn't heard off her breath in months. Responding back the biggest goofy grin across his face with the feel of a touch from the baby growing inside her._

_Haley watched something shift in his whiskey brown eyes as he shared this beautiful, once in a lifetime kind of moment together, but nothing could have prepared her for the words that were about to come out of his mouth._

"_I could be the father." He whispered on a deep thick breath Haley almost didn't believe she heard._

_Haley stared frozen at Sam for several moment. Eyes blinking wildly as their hands stayed locked together on her protruding belly. When she finally found her tongue, Haley could still hardly speak. "Why… Why would you do that?" She stuttered out, her face hinged in suspense, unsure how to feel. A part of her could cry from the beauty of his gesture, another part was too afraid to believe this answer could be true._

_Sam smiled something soft and nervous as his shoulders shrugged awkwardly. "I don't know," He fumbled momentarily, but as he watched fear start to surface in her already nerve wracked eyes, Sam followed through. "A chance at something normal. This baby needs a family." He admitted honestly._

_The first smile found her face since his offer took her off guard. "You call this normal?" Haley couldn't hold in the laugh that filtered off her lips, and added a lighthearted touch to a deathly serous moment._

_Sam's head tilted to the side as a crooked little grin found it's way on his lips. "You'd be surprised." He chuckled right back at her. Hinting to secrets she would only learn with years to come._

_Haley held her breath, almost afraid this was too good to be true. She needed someone, if this last month had taught her anything it was that she couldn't do this alone, but it all suddenly seemed so clear. Who had been there all along? …Sam._

"_Are you sure? You don't have to do this." Her big honey eyes not daring to look away incase the answer dissolved before she could ever reach out and touch it._

_Something calm and solid washed over Sam. The way he was always the guy you wanted in a jam, because he could always sooth any situation. Holding her eyes steady so she could see there was no doubt, no hesitation, Sam answered. "Yes."_

_The most intense elation washed over Haley with his answer. Her breath began to heave as her heart raced, she wasn't going to be alone anymore. Unable to hold in everything she was feeling, Haley reached out, and flung her arms around his long sturdy neck as she yanked him into a strangling hug. Pulling back in a second Haley found herself planting a big kiss upon his lips before she could even restrain the emotions bursting from her in the moment. _

_As quickly as her lips had landed, they pulled back. Big startled eyes lay blinding upon Sam's as Haley quickly pulled back. "Oh my god… I don't know why I did that… I didn't mean to… Sam, I can't… We can't…" Tears welled in her eyes as she rambled like a chicken with it's head cut off unable to find just the right explanation that wouldn't mislead him, because as beautiful as his offer was, that wasn't what she was offering in return._

_Sensitive, sweet natured Sam who had the biggest heart she had ever met understood in an instant. Reaching out, Sam quieted her fears with one big finger placed gently on her blubbering lips to quiet them. "It's ok, I'm not expecting that… I'm not expecting anything." His words reassured with the soft calmness of his breath that promised he understood._

_The tears brimming in her eyes fell free, cascading down her face, but not from sadness, or shame, but from the overwhelming feeling of love and gratitude. Her prayers had been answered in Sam, he was a gift, and while she may not be in love with him, she does knows he's the answer she's been so desperate for. That with Sam, some how, some way, they would make this work._

_The gentlest of smiles filled Sam's face with light as he reached out to wipe her tears away. "Come here," He called to her like a call of refuge in the dark as his arms spread wide to welcome her in._

_A breath Haley had been holding since she learned she was pregnant finally released, and finally she knew everything was going to be ok, as she surrendered to the gift that was this moment. Snuggling in, Haley rested against Sam chest, his arms tangled around her. One gentle strong palm finding her belly as if to claim it as his own, as they lay together in peace, knowing they had found where they belonged._

**XXXXXFlashback EndXXXXXX**

That memory still brought tears to Haley's eyes. Tears she pushed down, because she didn't want Jax to see. He wouldn't understand. A part of Haley still wished she could have fallen for Sam. They had tried to make it work as something more when Jamie had started to get older, but they just couldn't.

No matter how much Haley loved Sam for the amazing man he was, no matter how much she loved him for everything he had given to her son, at the end of the day she wasn't in love with him, and never would be. A fact that weighed heavily on Haley's heart until Sam met Jess, and she knew she wasn't holding him back any longer.

"Sam knows?" The astonishment read loud and clear as Jax's stared stunned and wide eyed at her in disbelief.

Haley sucked in a shuttered breathe that pushed her brimming tears at bay. Nodding hard and fast, she explained it in the simplest terms without having to share a story so special she still wanted to keep it all hers. "He's a good man. He really loves Jamie." She answered simply, filled with so much conviction it was unquestionable.

"Then why didn't you end up with him?" Blurted off Jax's lips like the spark of a match, the twinge of jealousy so clear is was unmistakable. An emotion he instantly regretted letting get the best of him. Since Haley had come home any illusions Jax had that he had moved past her crumbled at his feet and destroyed everything he cherished in it's wake. Something he knows now probably should have happened five years ago.

Haley's eyes shot to Jax from the spite so heavy on his tongue. She wanted to be fiery back, and a part of her was, but she really just needed him to see the truth.

"Because my heart doesn't belong to him." Her words are firm and heated, but her eyes shined with such vulnerability that screamed it's him that holds that part of her, it's always been him. A startle fills his piercing blue eyes as every other muscle on his face drops from the shock, and she knows he got the message loud and clear as she looks away.

Jax wants to press it, press her, make her open up, spill her guts right out on the floor along with his, but he doesn't. He can see as her face turns away she doesn't want that, she isn't ready. He can see she's still not sure she can trust him when it came to her heart. He settles, and lets sleeping dogs lie for tonight.

Refocusing on what this is really about, what's most important now. "I want to know my son. I'm going to be a part of his life." His tone is steady, calm even like a diplomat, but his words are unequivocal. They make it abundantly clear he's not asking. Jax has made a lot of mistakes in his life, missing out on his son is one he's promising himself he wont make.

Haley can't stop the sideways glance she's shoots his way. The scrutiny, the uncertainty she can't deny is racing through her brain with his declaration. "And how's that going to work, Jax? You're going to tell everybody what we did, tell Tara?"

Her words are skeptical as her head shakes slowly from side to side as if to answer her own questions. "…I don't think so." She finishes bluntly. Understanding his desire to know his son. An urge she doesn't want to extinguish, but the reality of the situation is it's not that simple. In order to claim Jamie as his own years of lies and deceit would have to crumble. Haley doubted Jax's commitment to burn it all to the ground until only the truth remains.

He's quite for a moment, lost deep in contemplation. Lost in his thoughts, and regrets she knows nothing about. When he finally speaks it's somber, and final. Absolute as if it's death it self he speaks of, and in a way it is, because it's certainly the end of something. "Tara's gone. Moved out last week…"

"What?" Haley fumbles out before he can even finish his last breath. Her dark eyes shooting wide with shock as they dart his way. What he's saying is unfathomable. If there was one thing she was certain of in all this uncertainty, it had always been that Jax and Tara would survive.

Something close to a groan rumbles past his lips, as Jax's hand begins to aimlessly stroke at his short beard. "Tara's smart. She always had her suspicions after you left the way you did. And when you came back, she took one look at the kid, and knew. Didn't matter what I said, she knew. Porn pussy was one thing… You and the kid were something else." Hurt lined his deep crisp voice. A pain he couldn't have hidden if he tried.

Losing Tara had shattered a piece of his heart. He had loved her since he was sixteen years old, still did. She had been the driving force that sent him to search the truth about Jamie. Alone, he probably would have let sleeping dog's lie, but her parting words had been… '_Open your eyes Jax'. _He would have never guessed losing the woman he loved so much would lead him to the child hiding in plain sight.

For the first time that night Haley softened. Really softened, all guards falling as her heart went out to him. Knowing better then most what Tara meant to him and the pain he must be experiencing now that she's gone. Gone, because of what Haley did with him.

"Jax, I'm sorry. I never wanted to come between you two." Her words were laced by the genuine heart that backed them. This was the last thing she ever wanted. Even if her heart had never gotten over him, she never wanted this. Even right after it happened and she was lost in what she was feeling for Jax, Haley never wanted this.

Slowly his face turned to look her in the eyes. To share a moment of pure honesty between them with no fighting words attached. "You didn't do this Hales, I did this to myself." There's complete ownership in his words, reflection in his eyes. He doesn't blame her. She may have played a role in the down fall, but Haley didn't break any promises to Tara, didn't shatter her trust, he did that.

Reaching out slowly she takes his tough skinned hand into her own. Finding him with a warm gentle touch of comfort and console. Her heart wants to lean in and hug him, but last time she did that after a Tara and Jax break up she ended up pregnant, and even now that memory is all together too fresh. She wants to be there for him, but from a distance. Her heart still reaches for him, and everything they use to share, but for now it's the distance that makes her feel safe.

He doesn't feel that need for distance, with one soft touch from her, Jax can feel every sense inside of him begging for more. More of what he could never get over having, no matter how hard he tried. A connection, a spark, and so much more. It's always been alive between them but every since that night it's blown into a flame that's burned silently in the dark, always hiding just beneath the surface.

**Note:** I have to explain a story fully. So Sam and Haley's kiss was meant to explain that Sam understood Haley didn't have feelings for him. Also I was trying to show that Sam did have feelings for Haley and that was part of the reason he made the offer he did, even though he knew those feelings weren't returned. He also offered because I felt a part of Sam has been longing for a "normal" family. Also I implied that Sam and Haley had tried to have a relatioinship once, because I felt it was unrealistic to think they wouldn't have tried to at some point. Considering everything he had done for her, the close bond they shared, and the fact that Jamie made them a family. I felt as Jamie's "parents" at some point they would have tried to make it work but it wouldn't work because Haley loves Sam but she's never been in love with him. Ok, sorry I know that was a long explanation

**PS**. Thank You everyone who reads this, and especially those that leave feedback! I love hearing what you, the reader thinks. What your take on the story is, if you feel it's in character, and if you're enjoying the story overall. You opinions matter and I want you to know how thankful I am for your feedback!


	4. Chapter 4

_**Speaking Words Unspoken**_

_I shot for the sky I'm stuck on the ground _

_So why do I try, I know I'm gonna fall down_

_I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?_

_I'll never know why it's coming down, down, down._

Reaching out slowly she takes his tough skinned hand into her own. Finding him with a warm gentle touch of comfort and console. Her heart wants to lean in and hug him, but last time she did that after a Tara and Jax break up she ended up pregnant, and even now that memory is all together too fresh. She wants to be there for him, but from a distance. Her heart still reaches for him, and everything they use to share, but for now it's the distance that makes her feel safe.

He doesn't feel that same need for distance, with one soft touch from her, Jax can feel every sense inside of him begging for more. More of what he could never get over having, no matter how hard he tried. A connection, a spark, and so much more. It's always been alive between them, but ever since that night it's burst into a flame that's burned silently in the dark, always hiding just beneath the surface.

Taking advantage of a touch he's silently longed for and missed, Jax pulled their joined hands into his lap, wrapping his other hand around their clasped pair.

"Now that I know, nothing is keeping me from Jamie. I'm gonna know my son." His choice of words are demanding, but he delivers them with a calm command. Something captivating in his voice showed that her feelings mattered, but he wasn't going away either.

Her heart begins to race with the shift in their touch, her breath quickens, and Haley feels a piece of her unraveling that she's held contained for so long. No ready for this, and the way it feels, still unsure if she can trust it, Haley wiggles her hand free, and returns it to her own lap.

"I'm not standing in your way." Haley clarifies on a heavy breath, that held a silent… _I never do_, but this time it's different. Last time it was all for him, this time it's all for Jamie. As much as the prospect of everyone knowing the truth, and the fallout from it overwhelms her, she now knows it's what's best for Jamie.

"Yeah, but is Sam going to be a problem?" Hands clasped in his lap as his piercing, searching blue eyes found the side of her head waiting in suspense. Jax didn't know Sam, wasn't even sure he wanted to, but from what little he has seen, there's no denying the guy is a devoted dad. Jax wants to know here and now where the obstacles lie.

She doesn't look his way, still fighting to keep her own feeling inline. Letting out a slow delicate breath, Haley finds her mind slipping to a warm summer day. Barely a month after she moved back home, when Sam came for his first visit.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxFLASHBACKxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_They were idling by the play yard set up ever so oddly on the garage and club premises. An island of sand and metal in a sea of pavement. A shared moment of beauty and simplicity was unfolding as Sam and Haley watched in quiet unison as their son played loud and free on the equipment. They had hardly shared a word above pleasantries and covering the basics, but when Sam yet again felt Jax's stare drilling holes in his head from across the parking lot, Sam couldn't keep quiet any longer._

"_He knows," Sam spoke up, on a low quiet breath where Jamie couldn't hear as his whiskey eyes darted briefly over to Jax's glaring form. As the men's eyes met, Sam held his stare, saying man to man, he wouldn't be intimidated, he wouldn't be run out of town._

_Haley's eyes silently followed, catching Jax's blatant stare before her gaze went shooting back to Sam. "He doesn't know." She dismissed him with a false sense of security that dwindled more and more everyday. The only reason she could still hold onto such a flimsy notion was because Jax hadn't come to her about his brooding stares yet._

_A heavy sigh left Sam's breath, one that came from a place of concern and care. He loved Haley, she was an incredible woman and mother, but it would never cease to amaze him how in denial she could be when it came to Jax. "Hales he knows." Sam pushed her with a calm supportive breath, and sensitive eyes that found hers. Eyes that encouraged her to face what she's been running from for so long. _

_Haley's guard fell with the look in Sam's eyes, the soft safety that lay in his iris. The best friend she didn't deserve, who never gave up on her. "He hasn't said anything." She admitted honestly, acknowledging she wasn't completely blind to Jax's growing curiosity even if she tried to be at times. She wasn't sure how to deal with the situation, not yet anyway._

"_Give him time," Sam offered on a deep resolved breath, trying to make peace with what was to come. Trying to prepare Haley for the pivotal moment he knew would soon find her. _

_A simple smile of thanks spread across Haley's face, Sam's eyes drifted back to Jamie, swinging as high as he could into the air. His heart constrict with the sight of that beautiful little boy, so full of life, who held his heart in his little hands. Tears burned in his eyes as he found Haley's image standing beside him once again. _

"_Haley, Jamie means everything to me. In my eyes he is my son." His voice rattled out deep, cracking with emotion and love that ran so deep it was ingrained into the very essence of what made him Sam. _

_Their eyes caught, and Haley felt an instant choking in her throat as tears threatened to form with the sight of his. She knew better then anyone what Jamie meant to Sam. That he didn't stick around out of obligation or a sense of duty. He stayed because he loved Jamie with every beat of his heart, and he couldn't love him more even if he had been his blood. _

_Reaching out in the moment, Haley took Sam's hand into her own with a steady grip of support. "No one will ever take that away from you, Sam." She promised, her eyes shined her vow. She would never separate Sam and Jamie. He was the kind of father a father should be even when he was the father who didn't have to be._

_Holding her eyes for a moment, taking her in promise, Sam forced a smile of strength across his face. Giving her hand a good solid squeeze, Sam released their hold. His eyes falling back onto Jamie, as love swelled in his orbs. _

_"But he should know the truth. He deserves to know where he came from. I always knew it would come to this. I wont stand in the way of that." His words were strong and selfless. They came from a place that loved Jamie more then his own wants and needs. Sam had always known this day would come, even more certain when Haley told him she was finally going back home. He had seen the writing on the wall even before Haley could admit it, but he had made peace with that. However much it broke his heart, he wanted what was best for Jamie._

"_You'll always be his dad." Haley reassured in a quiet whisper that held sacred to the words she was sharing. Words she hoped reached his heart as he gazed so lovely upon their son._

_Hearing the promise laced in her words, a truth he wasn't willing to negotiate on, Sam nodded in agreement. "I'm not going anywhere…" He promised himself. Without another word of heartache Sam moved to Jamie. Coming to strand behind his son, he began to give the boy hearty pushes on the swing that sent him flying high and hollering with joy. _

"_Jess was sorry she couldn't make it this time." Sam started up, changing the subject to something light, something that didn't rip apart the insides. Jess was who held him together through this trial in his life. The steady voice that always reminded him he was giving Jamie a gift by letting him know his real dad if the chance arises, not giving up on the boy he's raised since the moment he was born._

"_It would have been nice to see her, but I know she's busy." Haley added, their simple pleasantries falling back into place. They had once been so close and still were, but it was more strained now. Strained by everything that could have been, but never worked. Haley was elated when Jess came into Sam's life._

_ For so long she had felt she was holding him back with the love she couldn't return. Sam was a great man, one any woman would be lucky to have. Haley couldn't describe how happy she was that he had finally found someone who would love him for all his amazing glory. Love him in a way she knows would have been easier if she had been able to, but the heart wants what the heart wants. _

"_Hope you guys will be at the wedding." The first bursting goofy smile found his face. The thought of marrying the woman of his dreams sent Sam over the moon, but as his eyes fell back onto Haley standing beside him, as his orbs found hers, his heart ached. _

_Sam loved Haley, but he wasn't in love with her, not anymore, but it was still strange talking about his wedding to Jess with her. When for so long he had thought she'd be the one he'd ended up with if he just waited long enough, she'd come around. It was a strange feeling inside, a sort of coming full circle. Letting go of the past and all the dreams tied to it, then embracing the future and the endless possibilities that await._

_A smile spread wide across her face to match his as Haley nodded eagerly in agreement. _

"_We wouldn't miss it for the world." She promised, holding onto the moment, the easy beauty to which they had finally found even if at moments it felt strained. Her gaze drifted off in a way she couldn't resist. Finding Jax, buried under the hood of a car, elbows deep in engine grease. This time his stare isn't waiting for her. This time she gets to watch him from a safe distance as her heart begins to flutter in a way she can't control, in a way that makes the distance a necessity. _

_Then he catches her, as if some how he could sense her eyes upon him, Jax's face lifted up, his eyes finding her from across the parking lot. Their orbs touched for a moment, but only a moment before Haley's gaze shot back to Jamie, running away was a hard habit to break._

**_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxFLASHBACK xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_**

"Sam's not going away, but he wont be a problem. He knows everything. He loves Jamie enough to put him first." There's something distant in her voice as she speaks, something reflective. Reflecting on everything. Sam in his wisdom, his loyalty, how he saw it all before hand, and still stayed. There's quiet moments like this when she sees fully how much easier it all would have been if she had just made Sam be enough.

This time Jax senses her distance. Her eyes aren't even upon him and he can feel the vacancy in her stare. She's lost somewhere deep and he can't help, but want to bring her back. Without a seconds hesitation, Jax reached out, and swept a rogue strand of hair from in front of her eyes, back behind her ear.

The gesture slow and precise with care, Haley's orbs shoot to him right away with the feel of his touch. Their eyes catching as she feels his finger tips brush the skin of her ear, and leave tingles in it's wake. Their eyes lock and for a split second all the air leaves the room. For a spit second it's all still there. Everything boiling between them as if it had never dissipated at all and in that moment Haley knows why Sam was never enough. It never felt like this. No one has ever felt like this, but Jax.

"Haley," His deep husky breath whispers her name as his eyes barrel lost into her own. Haley can feel herself coming undone with the sound of her name on his breath. The look in their eyes is powerful and she knows he's feeling it too.

"Mommy, I can't sleep." Jamie's sleepy voice breaks the moment. Standing at the end of the hallway, hand rubbing at tired, but awakened eyes.

The moment shatters and disappears as both Jax and Haley turn to Jamie's little voice. Their eyes falling upon him in unison as they both silently take in the beauty of the perfection they had created.

Haley's voice picked up first. "Come here, baby." She calls with the gentle tones a woman's voice only truly knows once she becomes a mother. Beckoning her son near.

As Jamie approaches, Jax and Haley's eyes meet. Silent unspoken words pass between them. The look in Jax's eyes when he gazes at Jamie sets everything into places for Haley.

A smile touches Haley's lips, quickly passing and catching upon Jax's. In that moment they're both so sure. A subtle nod moves Haley's head with unspoken confirmation. Scooping her young son onto her lap, wrapping him into her loving arms as he snuggled near. Haley sucked in a slow deep breath, needing confidence in the words she was about to say. The most important words she may ever say.

"Jamie, mommy needs to talk to you about something…" She starts, her hold upon that young boy never lessoning, her eyes reaching out to find Jax's that lay in wait. This was the moment, their moment, so long in the making.

**The End**

**Note: **Any questions just ask. I hope the story ended to your liking. As always reviews are appreciated! Drop me a line, I love to know what you think :)


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